When “It’s Okay” is not OK: Rethinking Reassurance for Dogs

k9HS - Carlos
May 10
3 min read

Hello hello, Pet Parents! Carlos here.

We’ve all done it—leaned in to pet our scared dog at the vet or during a thunderstorm and gently whispered, “It’s okay.” We mean well. We want to comfort them. But for many dogs, “It’s okay” starts to mean something very different...

It’s a bit like a cross-lingual false friend—a word that means one thing in one language, but something totally different in another. Take the word “gift”:

In English, gift means a present—something you want.
In German, Gift means poison—something dangerous.

Same word. Opposite meaning.

And the same thing can happen with “It’s okay”—if we’re not careful.

Why “It’s okay” sometimes makes things worse When “It’s Okay” is not OK: Rethinking Reassurance for Dogs

When we say “It’s okay” in scary moments—like nail trims, vet visits, or when loud noises happen—our dogs often hear that phrase while they’re panicking.

Over time, they associate the words with the fear itself.

This is called classical conditioning (think Pavlov). Just like dogs can learn to drool when they hear a bell, they can learn to feel scared when they hear “It’s okay”—if it always happens before or during something unpleasant.

And worse? If we pet or talk to them while they’re panicking, we might accidentally reinforce the fear, especially if the dog finds our attention rewarding—even in moments of stress.

That means our good intentions might accidentally be teaching our dogs: “When I panic, I get attention. When I hear ‘It’s okay,’ something bad follows.”

How to make “It’s okay” actually okay When “It’s Okay” is not OK: Rethinking Reassurance for Dogs

The good news? You can flip the script. Instead of saying “It’s okay” during your dog’s fear, say it after they begin to recover.

What counts as recovery?

Shaking off
Taking a breath or sighing
Stretching
Sniffing the ground
Looking around calmly
Easing their body posture

When you see one of those signs, that’s your moment.

Say “It’s okay” softly, then give a calm pet, a treat, or simply walk away together. You’ve just marked resilience instead of fear—and that changes everything.

What to do instead (and when)

✅ Do wait for recovery signals before speaking

Say “It’s okay” only after your dog shows signs of self-soothing or calm curiosity.

✅ Use it as a recovery marker

Just like we use “Yes!” to mark the right behavior, “It’s okay” can become a cue that predicts safety and success—if you use it well.

✅ Pair it with calm outcomes

Only use the phrase when the scary thing is over or when your dog is clearly coping better. Never say it as the needle goes in or the fireworks boom.

What to avoid

❌ Don’t say “It’s okay” during distress—it will get linked to panic.

❌ Don’t touch, talk, or coo while your dog is visibly scared.

❌ Don’t repeat the phrase if your dog is escalating—it’s not helping in that moment. When “It’s Okay” is not OK: Rethinking Reassurance for Dogs

Final Thoughts

Pet Parents, words matter. And for our dogs, how and when we say those words matters even more. By shifting the timing of “It’s okay” to moments of recovery—not distress—you’re building a tool that soothes rather than stresses. You’re turning a false friend into a real ally.

So the next time your pup gets spooked, stay calm, wait for the shake-off or the curious sniff—and then say “It’s okay.” And this time, it really will be.

Carlos F. Morales - CDBC | CPDT-KA

Carlos is the head trainer at Canine High School in Long Beach CA, a force-free Puppy School and Dog School. He is responsible for creating the School's Dog Training System, Curriculum and Philosophy. In addition to educating his canine students and their human parents, he runs a teaching school that offers apprenticeship and internship programs for aspiring professional dog trainers. He is a Certified Mentor Trainer for several dog training schools and holds certifications with the IAABC and the CCPDT. He lives in Long Beach CA in a little house by the beach with his human, his three dogs GoGo, Kiba, Choji and a sassy cat, Habibti.